Better than David Brooks

Last week, while arguing with a friend, I claimed that it was possible for mediocrity to be rewarded while greatness could languish. I pointed to the field of journalism to back my claim. When challenged to name a single, overpaid journalist, one name flew into my mind: DAVID BROOKS.

I keep my resentment of David Brooks no secret. The closest I came to insulting him directly was when I tweeted something along the lines of "David Brooks is actually a vat of boomer brains suspended in a jar in a basement and hooked up to a typewriter." While my cutting words did not make their way to David Brooks' attention, my then girlfriend's mother did see them and was not entertained.
 
"David Brooks," I replied to my friend. "Absolutely mediocre, wildly overpaid."

"But could you write as much as he does?," my friend challenged me.

And as my friend blew on the embers, the fire of my former blogs glowed. From their ashes rises my new blogging project - how would my output compare to David Brooks' dithering mediocrity? Am I able to produce the written equivalent of a bowl of instant oatmeal every day? Will I tire from the blandness of my own thoughts? 

Only time will tell. But I will say this - for the next few weeks, I intend to challenge myself. I will make the same oatmeal as David Brooks, but I will add unexpected spices to my writing. Cilantro. Curry. Incorrect metaphors. I will turn my blind, uninformed eyes on the events of our times and issue withering moral criticisms establishing the superiority of my viewpoint, which I consider centrist if the extremes are David Brooks and the opinions of the ancient elders who have long slumbered under the ground upon which we tread, to whom the lives of humans are but playthings and whose return will herald the end of times. 

Expect drivel, friends, acquaintances, and strangers. Expect loads and loads of uninformed opinions backed by fabricated, Borges-ian studies.

How long will this last? Very definitely until I get bored and run out of things to say. But hopefully, dear readers, you will find this entertaining.

And if you all just love it, please start the petition to have the New York Times replace David Brooks' overpaid dreck with my own. If that comes to pass, I will think kindly of you when the ancient elders return, thank me for my work, and ask me who I think should be spared.